Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Step Before the Light


A few weeks ago, I began my run looking for inspiration, revelation. I was searching for a greater understanding about darkness, about how to find the deeper parts of me.

I love to run up City Creek canyon. It's small, few if no cars, it has trails if I'm in the mood for trails, mile markers for the OCD part of me, occasional restrooms, and wild enough to keep you on your toes. They see cougars up that canyon. I guess that makes me excited and a little freaked out at the same time. I imagine myself running faster if encouraged by a cougar. Yes, morbid. I'm okay with that.

I parked in the aves and ran to City Creek entrance. Already I was hoping for inspiration: to see or to experience something that would open me up, something that would smack me in the face. I decided not to force it but rather just try to stay in the moment and let it come.

Mile one: the scenery was nice. The day was beautiful. I could hear the brook, smell the earth coming back to life. It was beautiful I was feeling good but no revelation.

Mile two: uphill. Lungs full of air. Muscles working. My feet pounding a rhythm on the pavement in some relation to my heartbeat. No revelation. Just let it come. Just be present.

Mile three-four: elevation, no revelation.

At four and a half miles, I turned around and headed back down. I felt good. The sun was in my face. Suddenly, I could see so much more than just my feet on pavement. My mind opened. I saw a mouse scurrying to put her house in order after a long winter. I saw the sun. I saw all the faces of bikers, runner, walkers (bipeds and quadrupeds), saunterers. I saw trees and sky. I felt alive.

A single ray of inspiration came just then. My own voice came into my head that said, "What is the most obvious thing you can sense right now?" I raised my eyes and was met directly with the sun. "Oh yeah, this week is the week of the spring equinox. Of course! What does that mean?" And for the next few miles, my mind just opened and allowed all that spring and finding balance meant to me to warm my mind.

This was all still prep work. I wondered why I didn't get any inspiration on the way up. It seems like it's usually on the way down that I get the inspiration. Maybe because on the way down, we're not trying so hard. Maybe its because the softness about the experience has set in, creating that vital chemistry between effort and ease, now perfect enough to illuminate the soul. Or before that moment, like The Smiths say, "you just haven't earned it yet, baby."

Then, right as I was passing through the gate, the floodgate of revelation opened up in my mind. And in rapid succession, several things I'd read, scripture, poems, lectures, thoughts, all linked themselves together to form one long chain of brilliant revelation.

It said:
You only receive the witness after the trial of your faith. (Book of Mormon scripture)

Faith is walking into the darkness, willing to keep one foot moving in front of the other with nothing but hope ahead. (me)

To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.
To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight.
And find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,
And is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.
To know the Dark by Wendell Berry

It's like stepping out of the boat into the darkness, onto the water.

And how we are all preparing for that abrupt waking
and that calling and that moment when we have to say yes! . . .
So that when we finally step out of the boat
toward them [our true love or True Self] we find, everything holds us,
and everything confirms our courage. . .
And you'll walk across any territory,
and any darkness, however fluid,
and however dangerous to take the one
hand and the one life, you know belongs in yours
True Love by David Whyte

Faith is walking onto surfaces that you know will not hold your weight as you walk toward your True Self, . . . "the stranger who has loved you/ all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart." --Love After Love by Derek Walcott

Because it's this True Self that recognizes:

Why call
those random paths
roads?
Everyone who walks
walks
like Jesus
on water.
* by Antonio Machado

And . . .

The events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves, they find their own order... the continuous thread of revelation. Eudora Welty

As I ran, I thought I need to start running with a pen. I found that the answers often come on the way back down the mountain, on the way home and not at the summit. Maybe well after the odyssey, maybe when we're 80 years old, rocking on our porch and wondering if it was all worth it. Yet, we have to be willing to climb and sweat and bleed, to show our willingness, our faith, before we are perhaps humble enough or open enough to pull out the light that was already there. . .(Just hiding in the dark 'cuz it's scared--The Cowboy Junkies) or asleep.

As I was rubbing my jaw, having been smacked so beautifully and fiercely from this revelation, decidedly deeper than inspiration, I realized that the run up was to show the Powers that Be that I was willing. I was running into the gate of the temple, not out, when I received my revelation. It was the craft necessary to invite the muse upon my shoulder. I found that darkness is the step right before the light.

This, in part, is what our asana practice is all about. It's the step, "very arduous and humbling and joyful,/by which we arrive at the ground at our feet,/and learn to be at home." A Spiritual Journey by Wendell Berry

It's the step before the light.

See you in class!

Scott

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, Scott. It was just what I needed to read this morning. :) Much love, Dana P.

Anonymous said...

"The step before the light.."for me was a long stride into a place of fear. I encountered a "monster" that had taken both my father and sister from this life. And it was (then) looking at me striaght in the eyes. I was devastated and in a very dark place. I prayed a lot. One of my prayers was to find a friend who would understand me and support me the way I was longing for. Then there she was! She was the first step towards a journey full of revelations. Each step led to a new lesson about the truth and about me. I learned so much about ME! Would I have seen the light if I had not stepped into this darkness? Only God knows. I have a feeling that I was, all along, seeking the truth and this was the one way I was going to open my eyes to it....through my meeting with cancer.

Anonymous said...

What an amazing revelation - thanks for sharing this part of your journey. Love, Erin

Anonymous said...

scotttiiieeee, i love you. revelation always comes to you in the form of stories--long, flooding stories. i love you. i love you most for going on that run with a heart open to inspiration--not just open, but begging for it. and wow, thank you "anonymous" for your story about striding into a place of fear. human beings can be so wicked-awesome, huh? xo celeste

Anonymous said...

Faith is:
knowing that you'll always have someting solid to stand on, or you'll be given a set of wings.

O'Shea said...

Nice, Scott. I believe even if we don't make it to "the zone" or that "runner's high" place, the attempt can get our cells moving in a way that starts pushing open a window. And if it's wide enough and we're lucky and attentive, magic happens.

A couple years ago I was mountain biking and on my way down the mountain I thought, "I've ridden here so many times and unlike all the other trails I've been on, I've never seen a flat on this trail." And almost immediately after that thought, my front tire went all squirrelly! I had to struggle to stop safely. My tire was flat.

I fixed my tire. Road back to my vehicle. As I was driving home I thought how odd that was. The flat was almost timed with my thought. I've had thorns or rocks cause punctures in my tires. I've had pinch flats and even a double pinch flat. But this was a problem at the valve stem. I've never had that happen. It's not like the tube was old, brand new or the wrong size. I thought, "Maybe thoughts have power or energy?" And I laughed at my silliness. I wasn't out hunting for revelations. And then I got smacked by the next thing I saw and I knew: that "coincidence" was a gift!

Scottro said...

Cool story. I think you are right. Thoughts have power. One of my yoga teachers said, "What is worrying but praying for what you don't want." Ha!

Thanks!

Devin Daniels said...

[url=http://internationaloddities.com]International Oddities[/url] is the Original Legal Bud Smoke Shop - for 30 years!
Herbal Cigarettes We deliver "high grade", low priced Legal Bud. IO products are incredibly strong, smoke even better than they look ... and look absolutely insane.

International Oddities is the ONLY company on the net who consistently ships you High Grade [url=http://www.iobud.com]legal buds[/url], while others sell shake soaked in green and red food coloring across a group of "legal bud and herbal smoke" websites. They're not even "Legal Bud" though their name implies it!

[url=http://internationaloddities.com]CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE[/url] Or Call us at 1-800-730-i get bud

[img]http://www.internationaloddities.com/images/home/girl-in-buds.jpg[/img]
[url=http://www.herbal-reviews.info/] herbal reviews [/url]
[url=http://www.boxofbuds.com/] boxof buds [/url]
[url=http://source-coders.com/] source coders [/url]
[url=http://www.canofbud.com] canof bud [/url]

Anonymous said...

Hypnotherapy is often a mental express (condition principle) or set of attitudes and beliefs (non-state principle) usually induced by a treatment also known as a hypnotic induction, which can be generally composed of a series of preliminary instructions and tips.[1[[]|]|[]|] Hypnotic suggestions could possibly be delivered by a hypnotist during the presence from the subject, or could possibly be self-administered ("self-suggestion" or "autosuggestion"). The usage of hypnotism for therapeutic purposes is referred to as "hypnotherapy".

The words 'hypnosis' and 'hypnotism' each derive through the term "neuro-hypnotism" (nervous sleep) coined by the Scottish surgeon James Braid all around 1841. Braid based his practice on that developed by Franz Mesmer and his followers ("Mesmerism" or "animal magnetism"), but differed in his idea concerning how the treatment worked.

Contrary to some common misconception - that hypnotherapy is really a kind of unconsciousness resembling slumber - contemporary exploration suggests that it can be really a wakeful think of focused attention[2[[]|]|[]|] and heightened suggestibility,[3[[]|]|[]|] with diminished peripheral attention.[4[[]|]|[]|] In the initial book about the topic, Neurypnology (1843), Braid described "hypnotism" being a talk about of physical relaxation accompanied and induced by mental concentration ("abstraction").[5[[]|]|[]|]

How does our unconscious intellect influence our regular everyday living?

The subconscious thoughts merchants all of the memories, reactions, anything that has ever occurred to you, even in case you usually do not possess a aware recollection of it. It really is like a giant storeroom of this previous.It also controls our bodily functions : breathing, heart rate, digestion and entire body temperature.

Hypnosis delivers us into an altered talk about of awareness, where the mindful intellect is equipped to have a much-needed break with the unceasing chatter in the brain. Our brain waves transform into the alpha state.They sluggish lower much like when we are just about to fall asleep at night. At that time, we have permitted our shape and mind to sluggish down.The thoughts reaches a heightened state of focus and clarity.
[url=http://www.conversationalhypnosis.learn-hypnosis-online.info/]conversational hypnosis [/url] http://www.conversationalhypnosis.learn-hypnosis-online.info/ conversational hypnosis
Each person's experience in the hypnotic course of action will be distinctive.

One point that is certainly for certain is people's expectation on the progression may be a big aspect in building an suitable space for alter.The primary could be the person's willingness and ability to surrender to anything new. As a result of the hypnotic process there is definitely an chance to find out regarding the deeper features of you and unlearn ingrained habits for the far additional beneficial final result.

The truth is the fact that we're in and out of hypnosis all day prolonged. A hypnotherapistacts for a facilitator for switch in essence the transformation comes from within the client. All hypnotherapy is self-hypnosis.Hypnotherapy comes about exactly where there's a shift inside the talk about of thoughts.This shift in psychological point out delivers the ultimate space for letting go of limiting thoughts. Even though much misunderstood,hypnotherapy is often just what you may need for building effective switch as part of your daily life.

Anonymous said...

1 out of 5 Americans Have HERPES!!!!
Herpes signs in girls can take the form of the array of different outbreaks and conditions, and sometimes equally girls and males can demonstrate no signs and symptoms at all.

Herpes is a lot more common in girls than guys, with one in four ladies in america enduring in the problem. Genital herpes is really a sexually transmitted illness, and when contracted stays within the body for lifetime, lying dormant till a bring about for example tension or sickness brings about an outbreak.

Following contracting genital herpes, most women will show signs of an preliminary episode in the subsequent two to 10 nights. Signs and symptoms in the preliminary breakout and subsequent episodes can last up to three weeks without remedy.

Early Genital Herpes Signs in Girls - Just before the Episode

Before an outbreak of genital herpes happens, you could experience any or all the following:

one. Itching or using up in the vagina, labia and surrounding areas, including the anus, upper legs and buttocks

two. Unusual vaginal discharge.

3. Swelling of the lymph nodes, combined having a feeling of pressure or bloating inside the abdominal region.

four. Flu like signs and symptoms which includes headache, nausea, fever, sore limbs (including legs and buttocks), muscle and joint soreness.

5. Urinary discomfort or burning up, or even a difficulty urinating

[url=http://www.herpessymptoms.herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/]Genital Herpes Signs[/url] in Ladies - The Episode

When the [url=http://www.herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/] herpes episode[/url] begins, you could knowledge the following:

1. The look of sores or blisters that will array in sizing from tiny pimple sized dots to large, coin sized sores. These sores will burst and scab above because the episode continues. They can appear alone or in lesions, and can appear on the genitals, anus, buttocks and thighs.

2. A red, itching or burning up rash.

3. Pain when urinating

4. Vaginal discharge.

Without therapy, these [url=http://www.herpessymptoms.herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/]]genital herpes signs and symptoms[/url] in girls can take place on the month-to-month basis. In case you are suffering from any of those signs, particularly if these are re-occuring regularly, you could have contracted genital herpes.

There are extensive range of medical, homeopathic and normal therapies which are extremely successful, you should immediately look for treatment if you are going through any from the above.

Genital herpes has a much bigger impact than the physical. It may make girls really feel on your own, ashamed, depressed and anxious. Should you think you might be suffering from herpes, you should find therapy, as decreasing and controlling outbreaks can go a long way in the direction of restoring your self esteem and confidence.

Anonymous said...

1 out of 5 Americans Have HERPES!!!!
Herpes symptoms in girls can take the form of the range of various outbreaks and conditions, and sometimes both ladies and men can demonstrate no symptoms at all.

Herpes is more common in girls than males, with 1 in four girls in the united states troubled from the condition. Genital herpes is often a sexually transmitted disease, and when contracted stays inside the body for existence, lying dormant till a trigger for instance anxiety or sickness leads to an outbreak.

After contracting genital herpes, most ladies will display signs of an preliminary herpes outbreak in the next a couple of to 10 days. Signs and symptoms inside the preliminary breakout and subsequent episodes can last up to 3 weeks without having treatment.

Early Genital Herpes Symptoms in Women - Before the Herpes outbreak

Before an outbreak of genital herpes occurs, you may knowledge any or all the following:

one. Itching or using up in the vagina, labia and surrounding locations, such as the anus, upper legs and buttocks

a couple of. Unusual vaginal discharge.

3. Swelling from the lymph nodes, combined with a feeling of pressure or bloating in the abdominal location.

4. Flu like signs which includes headache, nausea, fever, sore limbs (including legs and buttocks), muscle and joint soreness.

five. Urinary pain or burning, or perhaps a difficulty urinating

[url=http://www.herpessymptoms.herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/]Genital Herpes Signs and symptoms[/url] in Girls - The Episode

When the [url=http://www.herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/] herpes outbreak[/url] begins, you could knowledge the following:

one. The physical appearance of sores or blisters that will range in dimension from tiny pimple sized dots to big, coin sized sores. These sores will burst and scab over because the herpes outbreak continues. They can appear alone or in lesions, and can appear within the genitals, anus, buttocks and thighs.

two. A red, itching or burning rash.

3. Pain when urinating

four. Vaginal discharge.

Without remedy, these [url=http://www.herpessymptoms.herpesoutbreak-gentalwarts.info/]]genital herpes signs and symptoms[/url] in women can take place on the monthly basis. In case you are experiencing any of those signs, especially if they are re-occuring often, you could have contracted genital herpes.

There are broad variety of healthcare, homeopathic and organic treatments which have been really efficient, you need to immediately seek therapy in case you are going through any from the above.

Genital herpes features a a lot bigger effect than the physical. It can make women experience on your own, ashamed, depressed and anxious. Should you believe you might be suffering from herpes, you ought to seek treatment, as decreasing and controlling outbreaks can go a lengthy way in the direction of restoring your self esteem and confidence.

Anonymous said...

[url=http:/www./buyingmarijuanasale.info] Buying marijuana[/url] remains 1 on the most abused drugs particularly among the youth and has more than 200 street names including mary jane, weed, herb, pot, ganja, hash, among others. It comes from a Cannabis Sativa plant and is green or brown in appearance. The drug is derived from the flowers, leaves, seeds, and stems in the marijuana plant. Marijuana contains over 400 chemicals but the main active ingredient is delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) and is responsible for the drug's psychoactive and mind-altering effects.

The psychoactive influences of marijuana may perhaps vary depending about the route of administration, or in basic terms, how a individual uses the drug. High doses of this drug can bring about hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, and anxiety. Long-term users might have decreased interest in goals, hampered concentration, drowsiness, and euphoria --- all of which may well eventually lead to inappropriate decisions, poor physique coordination, and memory loss. Marijuna use may possibly can also bring severe destruction to the lungs, impair respiratory functions, and ruin sexual wellbeing. Marijuana may well induce critical ruin to lungs, extra serious than cigarettes mainly because it truly is inhaled deeply and held for longer periods than cigarettes. Marijuana might interfere with male sexual functions and reproduction by increasing vasodilation within the genitals and ejaculation problems. It could possibly also trigger lessening of sperm count and degeneration. The females, about the other hand, may perhaps experience suppression in the ovulation process, disruption of menstruation cycles, and damaged eggs. Excessive use of marijuana more than extended periods of time lead to depression, loss of libido, and impotence. The outcomes of marijuana is associated with lower fertility rates and increased risk of producing abnormal embryo.

In addition to these consequences of marijuana abuse and [url=http:/www./buyingmarijuanasale.info] marijuana sale [/url], you will find other parts of the body that are adversely affected by the use of marijuana. The chemicals found in this not [url=http://www.legalweed.drugreviews.info] legal weed[/url] have been reported to damage the brain's sensory reactions. Higher doses of marijuana also leads to incidences of hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, and anxiety.
Blood vessels may well also expand due to vasodilation and could possibly cause reddening with the eyes. The outcomes of marijuana may be heightened if coupled with other street drugs like cocaine and Lysergic acid Diethylamide (LSD).

It's never too late to break the habit, or extra appropriately, the [url=http://www.cannabishigh-pillshigh.info] marijuana high[/url]. It may possibly seem tough since it truly is a single from the most accessible drugs that can easily be acquired. People who wish to quit marijuana use commonly expertise sleeplessness, irritability, elevated aggression, and other withdrawal symptoms. Nevertheless, overcoming the addiction and the withdrawal symptoms is not an impossible task. For some, getting confined to a drug treatment facility and counselling may possibly be necessary to break the habit. Studies show that much more than 120,000 persons will enter a drug treatment facility to aid them in their marijuana troubles. With the proper tools and attitude, quitting smoking and reducing the well being effects of secondhand smoke may be easier than others think. Understanding ill-effects of marijuana to sexual wellness and overall well-being is essential in ending the said addiction.
By the way, [url=http://legalwaystogethigh.drugreviews.info/Lions-Tail-Marijuana-Alternatives.html] legal bud[/url] dont work! Just saying cause some mislead you into thinking its some sort of legal marijuana alternatives, which is absolutely lie!

Anonymous said...

The Clove Smoking lover retain faith of taste and high quality for no reason substitute to the other a single also it is painless to find kretek smoking, in simple fact has a lot of cigarettes on-line store emerge on newest which provide you with the several makes and discount costs. The numerous quotation with identical superior and great services with priority of speed, safety and totally free for express delivery expert services is guaranteed.


The people who [url=http://buycigarettesonline.buycigaretterollingmachinereviews.info]buy cigarettes onlinebuy cigarettes online " the exotic "Kretek cigarettes" processed by well-known Madura Tobacco from East Java and mixed of Indonesian character clove or spices then produce sensational exotic fragrance from typical of Indonesia tropical island.

Kretek cigarettes sound far more and extra familiar for everybody then some folks start out to get out.. what the secret and includes of kretek smoking. Through the hygienic and superior processing make clove cigarettes lover sure and think the kretek smoking have not matched through the other cigarettes product.

The recognition of clove smoking have practically spread Globe broadly and also come to be an individual on the major broadcasting athletics sponsorship in Indonesian like FIFA Country Cup 2006, League Calcio and League Premiership that is sponsored by official Djarum Super Soccer, KOBATAMA Basketball Competition by Sampoerna A Mild also Boxing Super Cup and La liga Soccer from Spain by Gudang Garam International. The clove cigarettes sponsorship Not merely on physical activities plan but also supporting the charity humanity plan and musics entertainment.

Anonymous said...

I just came to know of it yesterday morning. Bookmarked this and also stumbled upon it. Thanks a lot man. You had some nice ideas in the article. I enjoyed reading it.
--------------------------
www.free-poker-bonus.org
bonusy bez własnego depozytu
freeroll odds calculator riva gratis dollars
No download Holdem Poker link exchange
Playing for free in various games can always be treated as a perfect way to entertain . Currently we are able to find many sites on which you can play various games for free. On the one hand we find for such stornach numerous games with extensive graphics and beautiful visually. On the other hand, we can play a lot of games that are also sports . For these games , we can include on the one hand chess, on the other hand poker . In the beginning always in such games should be played for free , because we can be sure that we do not lose our money unnecessarily .

Before you start to play for money , we must first have the ability to win regularly . In this way, we can count on is that poker will be able to achieve some income. When we play for free first of all networks free of such an encounter the poker version of what is called the Texas Holdem. In it we play primarily based on relevant layed our chips , as well as determining the chances of the emergence of such a system of cards you can give us victory. Such a winning hand in contrast to the popular Polish version of draw poker , build with two cards we receive on the hand , and of the five that are on the table.

Depending on how we can estimate the chance of appearing on the cards you are interested , we can count on more or less won . Also, the regularity of winning is dependent on our ability . Only at the highest sporting level, there is the game that is poker, the element of luck . When it comes to poker free , we will meet a lot of people that game and did not have any skills. In this way we can see the players , what kind of risk once all their chips all in playing , and not even having relevant to this card . For this reason, the network game is slightly different from the real game , or sporting event . When such professions we can get we will always have slightly modified our tactics and strategies of playing. On the other hand, in such tournaments , we can count on a very high cash prizes.
online poker game for new players
Pokersource Pokerstrategy Bankrollmob
Poker without deposit
Pokerstars Mansion Poker770 Party